Meet Super Mommy Blogger!

May I introduce you to the Mommy Blogger of the year?

She's serious about being the best mommy ever. And telling the world about it.  

Her hair?  Perfectly curled.  Her crisp apron ready to protect her Banana Republic tee and sensible jeans, purchased at Costco.

She carefully documents every step for her "how to be awesome like me" tutorials.

Thinking of ways to make the world a better place.  By blogging, of course.

She uses her curves for the good of humanity.

Never abandoning style.

Helping small children make the world more beautiful.  "Winslow, we can turn that stick into an awesome mantel decoration!"

Even risking bodily harm in the name of good blogging.  She recently lost a tooth in a tragic decorating accident.

Of course, it's all about the kids.  Isn't it always?

Don't be jealous.  Just shoot for the stars, and you could be a Super Mommy Blogger.

Or you could order my special "How to be the best mommy blogger on Earth" kit.  It's only $19.95.  But if you order NOW, we'll double the order!  And include a special gift.  O wait, we're all out of the kits. They're *that* great.  Sorry. Maybe next year.

Country Paradise: Bringing the outdoors in

So remember when I showed you something worthy of a horror movie?

Well, I've managed to finish the project.

Of course, I have to give a little background.  A few months ago, we had an enormous tree cut down and as  a special gift, the tree men left the big trunk cut up into pieces.  How lucky was I?  Didn't they just charge you less since they didn't haul it off?  Yes, Mr. buzzkill.  I prefer to think of it as a present for the mind because it takes mental fortitude to come up with ways to actually use these enormous hulks of wood.

See ginormous wood in upper left corner.
And yes, I took this photo through a window 2 minutes ago.

One of them seemed almost level, so it dawned on me. People in the country hunt animals.  Hunters like wood in their homes.  So I could bring it inside! (since we're trying to bring the country to Roeland Park)  Of course, my favorite example of country lodge decor is my aunt and uncle's home in Birmingham, Alabama.  They live in Homewood, which is one of the swankiest areas of the city, hardly the country.  But Uncle Charlie is a hunter and has plenty of wood furniture and animal heads in his house.  Perhaps it inspired his son Aaron to become an awesome carpenter and start his own business, Lane Woodworking.  His custom work is really gorgeous.  But now I can say that woodworking runs in the family because my little project is just as cool.*

So Ryan leveled off the stump and we set to work.

After 2 cans of primer, the stump appeared ready for the good stuff.

I decided the world had had enough to white, so I went a muted turquoise.  Katie actually picked it out.

I love how the cut end soaked up the paint in such an interesting pattern.  It has many coats of paint and yet isn't uniform at all.  Since uniformity is for the birds, I adore the way this looks.

Speaking of the birds (and their poop), I have to figure out how to get it inside. The bugger is heavy. Not holding-a-30-lb-toddler-for-2-hours heavy.  But break your back heavy-as-lead.

So for now, it shall remain outside while I guard it with my pellet gun.  It'll give me plenty of time to ponder what to do with the dozen remaining wood chunks.  

*This statement in no way reflects reality.  I am but a bug, not a master carpenter.

I linked up to Saved By Suzy, Miss Mustard Seed, Domestically Speaking, and The Shabby Nest.

A Fall Preview

It was pushing 90 degrees yesterday here on the prairie.  Okay, I don't live on the prairie, despite my Kansas address. You have go a tiny bit south or west to see the fields of sunflowers. But it's not that far, so Imma say I'm on the prairie. Got it?

This morning, though, I was greeted by rain. Cool breezes. The scent of someone's roaring fire (not true, but sounds good, doesn't it?).

And this view when I went out to get the paper.  Storm clouds and bright fall foliage.

With this weather, our painting projects are a tad delayed.  We're still working, but nothing is ready for a good photo yet, so here's a preview to whet your appetite.

So what are we looking at?  I'm not telling you yet.  But you can see it's hot pink.

Wait, in the blog world, things are supposed to be off-white or grey! Maybe if you're feeling adventurous, a robin's egg blue, like Martha Stewart would choose.

Yes, you are right.  Too late, though!  

Stay tuned.

Country Paradise Day 5: Chainsaw Horror and Awesomeness

In the spirit of the season, we have a little modern-day horror for you.

Ryan with a chainsaw.

Now go change your pants since we all know what just happened.

You spilled your drink out of fear.  Or lost your lunch.  Or, well, you know.

A tree stump had an ugly.  And it had to go.

Yeah, we're goin' there. We're gonna be sporting lumberjack chic in the house.  But I won't show you how...yet.

BOO!

This post is part of our Country Paradise series!
     Our Country Experiment: Day 1
     Country Paradise: Day 2
     Country Paradise: Day 3
     Country Paradise: Day 4
     Country Paradise: Day 5

How do people find The Kiefer Cottage?

Recently, I've been taking notice of which sites drive traffic to The Kiefer Cottage.  The obvious choice is facebook.  I post the link to a recent entry, and the people who love me click on it.  Those who don't love me, well, they either click on it sometimes so they can smugly congratulate themselves on their far superior circumstances or so they can find more reasons to dislike me.  Either one works.  However, I'd prefer that even more enemies visit--a person without enemies must not stand for anything!

Some folks click on the links I post at linky parties on other blogs.  My posts, bursting forth from my irreverent genius, might seem a tad disrespectful to other blog-world royalty, so I'm not surprised when folks read, and then appear to never return.  I'm okay with that, too, because I've been to plenty of sites that bore the bejeezus out of me, or contain too many typos or poorly written free verse.  No reason to be butt-hurt when someone thinks the same about my site.

Others use Google to pop on over to visit.  I love reading the search terms (because blogger will tell you).  Some highlights:

1) light with pull down poker (guess the dining room post got picked up on the search)
2) painted 1980s fake wood paneling (do I even need to mention which posts)
3) anyone know about the house that looks like a castle

Yes that last one is weird. Turns out there is a house built to look like a castle in Kiefer, Oklahoma.  So that's how this poor soul ended up here on The Kiefer Cottage.  I do admire (fear?) some searchers' stamina because our blog comes up on like the 10th page or later of a google search for some of the stranger terms. I know that because I checked!

I do have a small bone to pick with some of you, though. Some google "kiefer cottage" or some other variation like "the kiefer cottage" or "the kiefer cottage blogspot".

No big deal.  But at least one person has typed "the keifer cottage".  I won't call for a public flogging, but next time you can't remember how our name is spelled, remember that guy from 24, Kiefer Sutherland.  Of course, Google will correct your spelling anyway, but it hurts Ryan's feelings.  Almost as much as the people who insist on calling him Brian.