Thursday, September 15, 2011

The Un-funness of Home Ownership

I'm sure you've noticed by now we haven't been doing as much decorating.  I mean, some blogs post something new several times a week--spending hours on DIY projects, prowling around the web looking at the thousands of other blogs out there to get inspiration (and actually then following through), buying new homes so they can start all over again.  Sorry, we won't be doing as much of that.  Please don't un-follow me, though.  Please???

Since we moved in at the end of May, we've had to tackle some non-negotiable projects that have cost us the shirts off our backs.  No, not the downstairs bathroom with its 10 inches worth of clearance between the vanity and shower door.  That is still negotiable--however, have you seen my ample bottom?  I can barely squeeze past!--because the bathroom works...for now.

When the inspector, though, said EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! about the gutters and You might consider upgrading your electrical panel if you want to get homeowner's insurance, we had to put off taking care of the butt ugly paneling.  When we had no water a week after we moved in, we figured that *might* be important, too.

Worthless downspout.

Rusted out. Not pretty.

I know you'd like to see all this work.  Brace yourself.  It is stunning.  It will be the toast of the blog world.

First project?  Plumbing.  A few days after we moved in, it became apparent that we had a major water pressure problem.  The next weekend, all faucets stopped working completely.  Apparently, our old pipes were full of muck.  Now we have new.

Gorgeous, right?  I'm sure some photog genius could make this look pretty, but you still get the picture. We have PEX. It's kind of cool

Second project?  Electrical.  Our panel was 60amps but according to the electrician, we needed at least 1.21 gigawatts to make time travel possible.  Plus a flux capacitor. And some angry Libyans.  Or maybe he said 100amps.

The up-to-code panel is illuminated by an illegal light,
which the electrician pointed out 2 minutes before the inspection.  

It took 10 hours of work (read: no power) and several visits back because the house has some wiring issues.  Yay.  It is inspected now and complete, thank goodness. Only the panel is complete, Starr.  You still have to re-wire the entire house.  I know.  Please pour me a drink.

Third project? Gutters.  That's where we are today.  We got four or five quotes, ranging from 1200 to 3200.  My dad, construction guru, gave us an idea on what we should spend and according to Ryan, we might have gotten the boob discount ("because men do dumb shit for boobs").  Whatever, it's getting done.  We decided on white in case we want to change the color of the house later (likely) and the material is aluminum.  Anything more expensive would be a serious over-improvement for this neighborhood.  What about copper? Seriously?  No.

Isn't it pretty?  We got new fascia board, too.

What a lovely corner.  You're green with envy.
And I've been relieved of all extra green in my wallet.
Now I know that some bloggers would have stretched this out into multiple posts. I'm not that clever.  Also, it's not as if we did the work ourselves and can now teach you.  All I know how to do is plunge a toilet,  switch an electrical breaker, clean out gutters.  But the big stuff?  I can write a check. And I think you know how to do that.

Oh, and if you're expecting a really nice present from us for Christmas, now's the time for you to check those expectations.  It'll be last year's fruit cake.


  1. First, I love your pex.

    Second, I love your ample bottom.

    Third, I appreciate your box.

    If you had new windows then I'd be really jealous.

    (What, is your mind IN the new gutters?)

  2. Bwahahahaha!!! This is completely hilarious...and so true! Not everything in home ownership is glam, and sometimes it's just better to own it, right? I'm still dying over the boob discount. Awesome. And so true (c;


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