Dancing with the Green Fairies

Ryan's parents are visiting, so that means we got to go paint the town red (free babysitting!).  We could've held hands in a carriage in the Plaza, danced the night away at a club, gone cow tipping out in the sticks, gotten our hair braided... but we decided to go out to eat. Surprising, right?  Well, we did do something kind of cool.

Ever seen Moulin Rouge where the artists drink Absinthe and then Kylie Minogue dances around in a fairy costume while Ewan sings Elton John covers?  That's what we did last night!

Except Kylie wasn't there, and I'm not an artist.  And we weren't in France but at Nica's 320 in the Crossroads  District downtown.  When we ordered a round after dinner, the waitress looked at us sideways, as if we didn't look like the absinthe type.  And then she gave us a knowing look, "Yeah, maybe they are kind of freaky. I bet they like mayonnaise sandwiches, too. Yummmy, mayonnaise.  Wait, what was I saying?"

The Absinthe is first poured into the glasses, which are then placed under little water spouts.

A sugar cube is placed on a slotted spoon so that the water drips through it. Then it's all stirred together.

Cheers!

Friends we've been meaning to hang out with for six months now.  If you look up the words *fun-loving* and *spontaneous* you'll find pictures of this couple.  And now I bet they've been inspired by the little fairies to create, innovate, art-if-y stuff.  

Absinthe is not a girly drink, and despite the added sugar, it is not sweet in the slightest.  I might call it more of a tonic, filled with strong herbs like star anise.  You sip this, though, rather than shoot it from small glasses before eating your bundt cake with the flower pot in the middle. 

Ryan continues...

I took a lengthy sip and felt the slow burn trickle down my throat. It was quite pleasant, and I glanced over at Starr, expecting to see the aforementioned fairies floating around her head, taunting me. Unfortunately, but not sadly, only my beautiful wife stared back.

When we glanced over at our companions, however, we were rewarded with a magnificent vision -- our companions had melded into a single entity, whose unstably nebulous formed proceeded to regale us with delightfully hilarious stories. The entity seamlessly morphed from one face, voice, and consciousness to another, each telling the story from its point of view without so much as stopping for breath.

I looked back at Starr, who ignored me, transfixed by our new companion. I took another drink of the strange brew -- this time much deeper -- then closed my eyes so tight my ears rang. When I opened them again, as they pulled the scene back into focus, I observed with relief that our companions were once again themselves. The story remained as seamless as before, but no longer were they one being.

I finished the absinthe quickly after that, hoping to see something else new and incredible, but the drink held nothing more rewarding than its satisfying taste and accompanying buzz.

Starr concludes...


Yeah, I'm not sure where Ryan's story is coming from.  His drink must've been extra strong because I had no visions except of the bread pudding (which is divine).

Anyway, bottoms up!  Try something new when you can, y'all.

Dead Oven Exorcism

The final step in re-appliancing our kitchen is to get rid of the ancient, tiny, disgusting, overheating oven.

We started by removing some of the trim around the outside to gain access to the mounting screws we suspected were hiding behind.

Behind the dirty glass trim panel, it was amazing how clean it looked.

This proved to be a fruitless waste of time, as there wasn't a single screw holding it in place. With some fingers wedged behind the edges, it came right out.

And then it stopped for no apparent reason. Thinking it was stubborn, we swore at it and pulled and swore some more, but it wouldn't budge another centimeter. I thought maybe the wiring was holding it back, so I found the junction box underneath and cut it free. Luckily, we had already killed the circuit when we re-wired for the new range, else I might have written this post from the ER.

And it finally let go! But... it made absolutely zero sense that it let go at that point, because there was enough wire slack for us to set the oven on the ground! We looked all over the oven and found no lip or protrusion that should have held the oven in place against our will.

Chalk that one up to the pervading, persistent insanity that envelops the Kiefer Cottage. There's really no other explanation.

With the oven tossed in the garage for later beating with a large hammer disposal on the List that is Craig's, we were left with a nice big hole in which to put the appliances that had been rendered homeless by the installation of the new range.

This will soon be finished with doors scavenged from the corner cabinet that was removed to make way for the big, green freezer, but for now, it's just nice not to have that eyesore scowling at us, constantly reminding us of all the burned cookies it produced.

As usual, Rufus helped by keeping the kids occupied while we worked.

Yes, those are dinner napkins serving as a blanket for a very patient kitty.

Today, Chess Club; Tomorrow, Nobel Prize.

My mind is a strange place. This much you might already know from reading the bits and pieces I publish here on The Kiefer Cottage. However, strange though it may be, I've been told on occasion that what leaks out of that mind onto the screen is entertaining. Entertainment for which you'd gladly pay a dollar.

This reminds me, I really need to give my co-worker back his chess set!

Well, how about two dollars, minus one penny? You see, I've gone and written a short novel. It's called Chess Club, and it's the story of a man who, without giving too much away, gets in over his head with a sexy coworker, with often hilarious results.

You'll want to read it, I promise. And if you really like it, you could show me some love on Amazon and give it a positive review! A struggling fiction writer needs all the help he can get, right?

Convinced yet? Great -- you're out of excuses now, so go download it on Amazon.

Bonus? If you're a prime member, it's free to read right now.

Starr's note: Ryan hates talking about himself.  It shows, doesn't it?  Well, you should know that the story is quite funny. Laugh out loud hilarious in many places.  I wish I could take credit for it myself.  It is a piece of adult fiction, though, so I wouldn't recommend it for youngsters.


Would you allow your mother to read it?  Why, yes!  She just emailed me this morning asking how she can get it without having a Kindle.  FYI, you can read this stuff without the Amazon e-reader.  All you need is a computer or some computer-like device and the Kindle App.  I promise there is one made for the computer or device you own -- otherwise, I suppose you must have figured out how to access the internet using a soupcan and twine!  If you need help downloading the tale, send us an email.

You-ston, we have a problem

Our range hood is finally installed.

Our old one looked kind of out of place with our new stove.

It was also disgusting.  The cover had these nice little black specks all over the interior.  No, not stains, but evidence of a pooping bug. Yeah. Gross.

At least it came out without damaging anything.

The new one looks great!  We didn't spend a ton on this hood (it's a low-end Broan), mainly because I was more interested in looks than function.  As long as it has a light and blows stuff out the back, it's fine.

Wait.  What is that I see?

Oh yeah, this hood is much more compact and doesn't cover the messed up wall.

So now we have another troll hole (every time I think of trolls, Dora the Explorer comes to mind.  I'm a grumpy ol' troll!).  We've been making plans for the back splash--some of it depended on whether I could get the existing stuff off.  Yeah, it's not moving without a fight.  It's screwed in AND appears to be glued, too.  It will probably destroy the drywall behind it to yank it off.  So we'll be covering it, unless we figure out another way.

One idea is pressed tin tiles. We just have to make sure they're installed well, which might be a challenge over the laminate.

Any other ideas?

Flu and Taxes

We've self-diagnosed ourselves with flu.  Not stomach flu (which isn't really the flu at all), but the full-on influenza virus.  Everyone else is doing better, except for the dry cough that lingers, but I'm in the midst of my turn with the pesky ol' disease and have spent lots of time in bed.  It's been over 20 years since my last official flu encounter. Do I even need to say I haven't missed her (why's the flu gotta be a girl?  Not sure, but this gal is nasty)?

To add insult to injury, I've had to complete our taxes.  I finished the Federal return on January 31st as well as our Kansas form.  Why? Well, we got a refund from those folks!  But we owe Missouri and the Kansas City earnings tax.  Not very much, thankfully. It took forever to figure out the part-time resident status form for KCMO because it's really meant for people seeking refunds--we had to pay instead since Ryan's employer didn't withhold the tax.  Bleh, whatever, I'll spare you the details. I'm finished signing the checks, and we're finished with Missouri and any earnings taxes for awhile.

In other news, Drew is using utensils at the table.  That means he's a genius and definitely better than your 15 month old.  

Yes, bragging about my son makes the flu pain subside. It even takes away the sting of taxes. You should try it some time.  Practice with me: "My child is reciting the Constitution!" or "My four year old daughter whipped up a souffle that Thomas said was divine.  And by Thomas, I mean Thomas Keller.  We've been braiding each other's hair for decades now."  or "My redhead's motor skills are so good that she can take her diaper off without removing her pajamas. I read somewhere that it's a sign she'll be an overpaid corporate stooge one day!  Whoohoo!"  You have to say these things without the slightest hint of irony.

Anyway, because Katie always demands equal treatment, I've included a photo of the girls. Winslow was mad about me asking her to wear the matching hat.  They got costumes for Easter from Yia-Yia.  Drew received a bunny costume, but I'll wait until I have backup (Ryan) before trying to get him in it and photograph the spectacle.

That concludes my random update.  Thank you for your cooperation.