Tuesday, July 31, 2012

How to get someone's attention

I know some of you read a lot of blogs. I do too. The ones that don't have GFC are harder to keep up with because I hate getting posts emailed to me, but I have a long favorites list on my browser so I can keep up with these uncooperative blogs (that's not completely fair. It's actually totally unfair for me to say they're uncooperative.  But it's said and I cannot erase it).  I just have my ways of following people and that's that.  

Anyway, there's a blog I go to that is pretty darn famous. The design there is pretty vanilla, but there's enough personality in the writing that I can't stop visiting.

And you know what? They don't like me there.  I haven't figured out why, but after a year of commenting, I think it's clear the blogger'd be happy if I never visited again.  In fact, I bet in their home, there's a list of doofus bloggers they'd like to punch in the gut, and I'm at the top of it.

How do I know this so definitively?  Because they never ever reply to my comments.  Even if 99% of comments have a witty reply, even if I'm the first to do it for the day (quite a feat considering how many they get), even if I'm on my best online behavior (don't be a tool, Starr, don't be a tool!), I don't even get a winky-face in response.  I get...silence.

You know, Starr, they get a zillion hits a month.  They're probably just busy.

Oh, it's you--how've you been?  How'd that liposuction/butt lift go last month? Anyway, how could they be busy *every time* I comment?

Do you need an ice cream? I think you're a little too upset about something silly.

I'm not upset, I'm just hungry for pie!
Well, I'm not upset.  I just think it's funny.  Funny in a "why did I eat beans the night before the big job interview" kind of way.  I mean, any blogger is in it for the glory, even if it's just 1% of the motivation behind public writing.  It's a big exercise in "LOOK AT ME BE AWESOME!", so of course I'd rather not feel anonymous in Bloglandia.

So I've been practicing some new comments to leave to see if I'll get acknowledgement.  I love really personalized comments around here, and the ol' cut and paste is a cop-out.  Here are some I've come up with:

1) OMG UR stuff is GORGEOUS!  I don't want to sound desperate, but can we be best friends? I'll be waiting to meet you at the Long John Silver's on Veterans on Friday night at 7pm.  Write back soon!

2) Yeah, your house is just okay.  I mean, I saw something just like it in the Pottery Barn Catalog.

3) I totes luv the fact you posted 100 photos on how to huff spray paint--oddly refreshing you can live out your addiction online. Wait, that was an art project? My bad.


I think all four of these are winners.  Any more ideas you have?  The nuttier the better. They're more likely to get *something* in response, even if it's a cease&desist order.

Because a photo of sausage is always appropriate.


  1. Hmmm, how about:

    "Grrrrl u totally rock mah Casbah but not inna, u know, stalkerish kinda way; howzabout u n me party sumtime w/ sum SPAM pie! That wuld be da bomb.com!"

    " Hey lady just want to let you know I have a very adult and quite intellectual girl crush on you and, in fact, RANT and rave about you constantly and have in all likelihood added at least 150 followers to your blog via my constant complimenting of you. Now how about sharing some love with me, or are you simply too self-absorbed in an unhealthy totally ignoring me sort of fashion?"

    No? Well darn, and here I worked Spam and Rant in just for you.

    Love the picture; it captures my feelings beautifully!

  2. I really really really really really want to know who is ignoring you. I pretend like I am not a gossipy female, but I am to the tenth degree (I have no idea if that is the appropriate place to use that phrase).

    I have no suggestions for you, unfortunately.

  3. Post this:
    "Congratulations on being this year's recipient of the Human Break-Out Blog Award and the $10,000 prize. However, we have not received your completed confirmation release and verification of contact information and the deadline is Friday, August 3, 2012. If we do not receive your reply by 5:00 pm EDT, you will forfeit the prize to the runner-up. Please see previous post for link to this information."
    Then they have to read all your posts trying to find it.
    Why would anyone NOT want to read and comment on your posts?

  4. My comment idea to get her to notice you:

    "Bitch, you aint all that. I've seen a better version of *insert random diy project -here-* over at blahblahblah's blog. You should check her out, you might learn a thing or two."

    Okay.... Maybe not, lol.

  5. You know now that I am dying to know which blog you are talking about. DYING. Srsly. I would offer gossip in return, but I don't have any! Dang.



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