I'm turning 32 this year. I know, you're gasping in surprise because there is no way I could be that old. How do I maintain my youthful look? Well, you're in luck because I'm going to go all Shirley Temple on you and give YOU a present for my own birthday: A list of all the secrets you've been dying to know.
- Carry a few extra pounds on you. Fat plumps the face, and all the extra glistening (read: sweating) I do keeps my skin super-hydrated. So in the name of youthful skin, eat that cookie!
- Shun the sun. Cover every inch of your skin with either cloth or sunblock. Be like Bernie in Cocoon, wearing the bright white zinc on your nose. Wilt after five minutes in the heat and go inside, leaving the dirty work for everyone else. Remember that being tan is a relatively recent trend and might go away again. Don't be a trend-follower. Be a trail blazer back to the "pasty-skin" days of yesteryear. If your skin is naturally dark, remember you can get wrinkles and skin cancer, too. (And if you choose #2, take your Vitamin D)
- Dress inappropriately. You know, like a teenager. You might not be able to squeeze into little booty shorts anymore (see #1), but you still have t-shirts from high school. I bet you have white-washed jeans, too. Wear them and everyone will think you're young again.
- Drink cheap liquor. Forties and sweet wine coolers will bring you back to your glory days.
- Read young adult fiction all the time so you can learn how to talk like a hip teenager. Fo-Shizzle!
- Act like an idiot most of the time. Idiocy can drop your age by at least a decade. I used to deliberately try to do dumb things, but now it all comes naturally.
- Live in an old house. How old, you ask? Much older than you (side note: I laugh when people say things like "I'm buying an old house. It was built in the 90s!" Unless you're talking about the 1890s, it ain't old, sister.). My house is 72 years old, so I'm practically a toddler in comparison.
- Read House Beautiful Magazine. Kidding, that doesn't keep me young, but that brings me to an important part of this post.
For my birthday, I'm giving away a one-year subscription to House Beautiful to one lucky reader!*
In my previously attempted giveaway, I had intricate rules, and I've considered adding a few that involve the speed-weeding in the garden and plastic Barbie dolls (don't ask), but I think I'll keep things simple.
You have three ways to enter:
- Leave a comment.
- Leave a comment telling me about what you do to stay youthful.
- Share the contest on Twitter and leave a comment with the link to your Tweet.
Each comment counts as one entry.
You may become a follower if you wish, but maybe you don't ever want to be a follower because you're too good for that. If anything, you're a leader. Or perhaps you hate my blog but want the magazine, so who cares about following the blog. Or it could be that you are afraid of commitment. If so, I understand. Remember, though, that I'll be announcing the winner on the blog, so be sure to check back obsessively to see if you've won! (Note: I am back on The Twitter, so you can always follow me there. We'll see how long I last on it this go-round.)
If you're related to me by blood or law, please do not enter this giveaway. Mom or Ryan's Mom, this means you. If you win, you'll tell me to keep the subscription for myself and that would defeat the purpose of having a giveaway. Oh, you wouldn't do that? If you want the magazine that bad, I'll get it for you for Christmas, 'k?
Also, this drawing is only open to U.S. and Canadian Residents 18 years of age or older. I have some loyal Canadian readers and wouldn't want to leave them out since they hail from the country of Sarah Richardson, my design inspiration.
I will select the winner on my birthday, July 11th. Entries close 11:59pm CST (because the world revolves around me and my time zone), Tuesday July 10th. Winner will be selected using one of those doohickies online that will pick a random number.
*I am not affiliated with House Beautiful and will be providing the subscription out of my own (empty) pocket because I love the magazine, and well, I love you too. Void where prohibited and other such legalese that basically means you cannot sue me because you didn't win a magazine subscription worth less than a family outing to the Waffle House!