A Place to Call My Own

...or, Ryan's somewhat-disturbing lack of a man cave.

When on the hunt for a new home in our newly-beloved Kansas City, I had but one criterion: it must have a space that would be mine exclusively. A place where women and children only enter when invited. A place where I can do anything I please, from drinking and staring at the wall semi-comatose, to watching a movie, to futzing with something mechanical in nature.

A man cave, as such a space is commonly called.

A man's own space can be many things, depending upon what he likes to waste time doing. Here's what I require in a man cave:

• A desk with a large-screened desktop computer. This doubles as entertainment center when a movie is on the agenda.
• A comfortable piece of furniture in which I can sit and read. And read. And read. A big couch, probably, in case of nap attack.
• A sizable work bench on which I can fix a computer or rebuild a head.
• A stocked beverage center.

There are other nice-to-haves, naturally, but that's the basics. I don't require things like pretty finishes, a commode, or even carpeting.

Difficulty: our home has no ready-made man cave, and converting any existing space into a man cave may take some work. Let's have a look at my potential options.

The garage. Right now, it's full of all the crap that we swear we're going to find a place for soon, really soon -- we swear, okay? Despite being full of crap, it has potential for future use as a man cave. The problem will come if we ever ... I dunno ... want to put a car in there. Also, no ventilation whatsover, apart from that huge door. Hot outside? Hot in the garage. Cold outside? Cold in the garage. Let's move on.

The basement. Yes, it's also got a lot of stuff we swear we're going to find a place for, but that's not its largest demerit. That'd be the washer and dryer, which see plenty of use in our abode. They're awkwardly placed on opposite sides of the room (who does that?), where the connections for each are located. Sure, we could pay a professional hammer-swinger too much money to move one or the other, but it could also be made to work as-is.

You see, I've already got my exercise equipment down there. All it lacks is a desk and a couch. I'm sure I could find a suitable place. I don't mind the sound of the washer, dryer, or furnace, and if I really needed a closed-off space -- I'd get some 2x4s and some sheetrock and make a closed-off space.

Because what's more manly than a man cave that is raw, unrefined, and barely-useable? An unfinished-but-furnished basement is the kind of thing that beards, chest hair, fist bumps, busted knuckles, and kegerators are made of. If I want decor, maybe I'll take a stab at painting the beams white so it isn't so gloomy, or perhaps the corner could be adorned with a nice engine block table.

Yeah, that's the ticket.

My name is Ryan, and I declare that this shall be my man-cave.